Cedric Simmons got Beasley bad

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Well, he's not exactly Amare Stoudemire.

Poor Joakim Noah...

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Say hello to the The Superintendent of Defense.

Mario 'Superintendent' Chalmers

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At least we know J.E. Skeets of Ball Don't Lie and The Basketball Jones is watching summer league!

Can Derrick Rose handle Mario Chalmers' defense?

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Derrick Rose must be taking pointers from Ben Gordon.

Rose and Beasley record first professional field goals

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Derrick Rose scores his first professional points with a mint layup. And, on the next possession, Michael Beasley completes his first field goal with sweet low post turn.

Tyrus Thomas swats Michael Beasley

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Ty Thomas gives Michael Beasley a little 'welcome-to-the-pros' as Beasley attempts his first professional field goal.

Chicago Bulls theater featuring Johnny 'Red' Kerr

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During an extended power outage in Chicago's United Center, color commentator Johnny 'Red' Kerr steals the show. We created a montage of some of Kerr's most entertaining remarks about his longevity as a Bulls broadcaster. Enjoy.

Royal Ivey suspended for pinging Gray's jewels

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When we heard the news of Royal Ivey's three-game suspension for cockpunching Aaron Gray, we had to see it for ourselves. It soon became clear Ivey was getting back at Gray for this gem in December.

Ivey also has some college experience with this sort of play.

Unfortunately, the Milwaukee broadcast focuses on the career performance of Ramon 'Memo Man' Sessions and not the injured Gray. This is all the video evidence we have.

Ramon Sessions: 'The Memo Man'

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Yes, the rookie's new nickname is 'Memo Man' because of the career highs he sets every game. Tonight's line: 7-12, 20 Pts, 8 Rebs, 24 Assists, 2 TOs.

Dwight Howard: "I ran into some kryptonite"

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Patrick Ewing's elbow gave Dwight Howard six stitches and one super-sized upper lip. Ewing says it serves Howard right after the 22-year-old center knocked out Ewing's front tooth only a month ago.

Nocioni and Boylan kiss, literally

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A little overt man love in Chicago.

Johnny Kerr gets Irish!

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Johnny "Red" Kerr gets a little bit of Chi-Town love as he auditions his Irish tongue to the United Center crowd.

Nocioni plays 8 possessions with one shoe!

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Ever seen a player lose his shoe this many times?

Larry Hughes: "I don't want to break Chicago's rhythm yet"

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Larry Hughes says he'll be in the starting lineup soon.

Noah attracts grandmothers

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We always knew Joakim Noah has interesting fans, but 60 year-old women in Indiana?!

Drew Gooden's Bulls debut

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Don't tell us Ben Wallace could ever do this.

McGrady doesn't know what's hurt anymore

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When you're injured as often as Tracy McGrady, it's simple to forget what's hurting.

Team Chicago can't shoot

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BJ Armstrong, Chris Duhon and Candice Dupree take 16 tries to hit the midcourt shot during the Shooting Stars competition.

Ron Artest roars like a gorilla

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Ron Artest just graduated from flexing his muscles in celebration.

EXCLUSIVE: Bulls will not trade

Tell me your team couldn’t use one player from the Chicago Bulls.

The mere fact that Chi-town hoards young talent like a grain elevator hoards, well, grain has put the Bulls in the middle of just about every trade rumor.

Well, there’s no way this deal would work unless we could somehow through in Andres Nocioni from Chicago.

Or…

This will work perfectly if we could clone Joakim Noah and trade him to both of us!

With the Bulls’ season being such a disappointment thus far, it often follows that a trade is necessary to turn things around.

I asked Bulls reporter Mike McGraw what the Bulls' deal was in terms of making any trades.

You won't like it, but you probably won’t be surprised either about the Bulls expert's response.

“I think the most likely scenario right now is the Bulls do nothing before the trade deadline.

“Obviously, Paxson is exploring the options, but there are too many issues working against the Bulls making a major deal. If anyone is likely to be traded, it might be Chris Duhon, since he's about to become a free agent and may not be back next year anyway.”

Chris Duhon!? I’m not trading if I can’t get at least Tyrus Thomas.